Monday, 11 August 2014

Black to Basics? Is Idris Elba Right only dating African women?

It was allegedly said that Idris Elba prefers African women because 'American Women' try to be everything but black...hmmm.

Here was his alleged comment:

"Idris Elba says he only dates AFRICAN WOMEN because black women in the states can't look good without weaves and make up. He said he'll consider american black women once they embrace their natural beauty and stop trying to be everything but black."

Now, even though I think his view is slightly off, it's not just African American women that wear weaves and pile on the make-up. However, there is something inside of me that says 'Yes, it's about time a black man in the media appreciates natural beauty and is bold enough to say it. I guess if he said he prefers black women to wear weaves than their natural coils we would be up in arms right ladies? Calling him a sell out and swear to never watch any of his films again. But are we selling out ourselves?

In the last three years I've seen this new phase of beauty which I like to call the Barbie imitation, where make-up is piled on so much that the lady in question looks completely different to her real self, almost like a mannequin. Don't get me wrong these ladies look drop dead gorgeous with the fake hair, fake eyelashes, fake skin tone and the way they blend the eye shadow and eyebrows is just off the hook. But does it take all that to be beautiful?

If beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder than why do we try and define it with artificial representations of what we think beauty is? I love wearing weaves, braids and make-up to enhance my beauty but I can not buy into the total transformation of hiding the real me. I'm fortunate to have a husband who is also African, (Ghana) and shares the same view as Idris, that natural God given beauty is best. When I read out Idris statement to him, he totally agreed that women these days wear too much make-up and appear to fake.

The one thing that worries me is what are we teaching our young black princesses? that beauty is contain in make-up bottles or you posses the beauty inside of just being yourself. I think as women from all nationalities we should pull back on the Barbie imitation look and celebrate our natural beauty, because in actual fact is does not take all that to be beautiful .

Saturday, 19 January 2013

Love finds Love! Make your goals

I stopped making New Year’s resolutions about three years ago. Like so many of us, I found myself falling short of the resolutions quickly into the New Year. Instead, I make goals for the first part of the year and for some reason I’ve been much more successful. In addition to the popular goals of losing weight and professional goals, I encourage you to make finding love a goal this year.

At the end of 2012, I was speaking with one of my sister-friends about her visions for 2013. She’s been single, by choice, for about two years following a very difficult break-up. However, throughout the end of last year she began to express a willingness to get back out there. After working on some self-empowering and loving, she was now ready to love.

“Well, make that a goal this year,” I encouraged. She laughed at me and rejected the notion that you can make finding love a goal. Instead, she said she would just see how things played out and if God meant for her to find love then, she would. I completely disagreed with this passive approach to love. We are so aggressive about the other things we want in life; finding love shouldn’t be any different.

I’m a firm believer that you must set a goal and then, put intention, effort and faith behind it for you to reach it. The same is true with finding love. You must be an active seeker of love to find it. Now, I don’t mean you have to be thirsty or desperate, but setting your mind and heart toward the goal of love increases your chances of finding it. By actively putting the energy out there, you’re bound to get something good back.

And since I’m no hypocrite, I joined the challenge with her. When setting my goals this week for 2013, I added finding love to the list of other professional and personal goals I wrote out. Printing out my goals and placing them either by my desk or on the back of my door is a practice I started when I was a teenager. The act of daily visualization serves me when I’ve gotten a slow start or I am lacking in motivation. And, this year, right there is the sentence, “Find and experience romantic love.” Not only is this a reminder that it’s a goal, it will also inform my actions from day-to-day.

One of my favorite quotes is, “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you’ve imagine,” by Henry David Thoreau. Just as we go after our professional goals, we can pursue our romantic goals too. Be aggressive about finding romance this year by making love a goal.
Wishing you love and ceaseless joy! Follow @NathanHWilliams on Twitter.

Reposted from:

Wednesday, 16 January 2013

The Male-Function

I really love Shemar Moore, I think he's a hot brother; such a scrumptious cookie. But there's something about him and guys like him that after a good look and a dribble one can lose interest. What I mean by 'guys like him' the ladies man type and the I want to settle down type, but in the meantime I will sleep with everything in a skirt type. Big Yawn!

Yes, the handsome brother will never be in shortage of female attention, but I think times are changing where the geeky, educated, business type brothers are catching the attention of Fly Betty's all over the world. Check out Devon Franklin who pledged to be celibate until he married Meagan Good. What woman would turn down a committed Christian man who would rather honor you in marriage than honor you with quick hot fling and leave you hanging by yourself for the rest of your life?

Switching it up, women are now saying 'I can do bad all by myself' and pretend lonely don't like company, when in reality every woman needs companionship, needs a man's touch and validation that she is a beauty queen. Baring that in mind, we know longer crave the attention of a handsome king who has many concubines but rather a precious prince who will give us the kiss of commitment and make us the princess of his empire.

What does this mean for the scrumptious cookie brothers? It means they are now looking for the wifey type the lady who won’t give it up on the first night type and the mother of my children type which is not found in one night stands. They are now left hanging searching far and wide as Mr Commitment, Dependable and Faithful are stepping in snatching up the Fly Betty's. They may not have the looks but have the qualities that today's 2013 woman is looking for.


Tuesday, 25 September 2012

Going Natural with a Inspiration Twist

So there is a big movement now for black women to go natural and exercise their right to do the big chop so they can re-discover the beauty of their curly kinks. Some natural extremist say if black women continue to wear weaves and flat iron their hair then they are conforming to society's view of a washed up black woman. Really? For someone who as been a natural sista before it was 'fashionable' to be natural and wears hair pieces regularly, I can say how further from the truth that is. Being natural and loving yourself has nothing to do with what you put on your head or how you choose to style your hair. I love and I mean I really love the natural blogs, You Tubes videos on how to style and maintain natural tresses but in celebrating our natural hair we must not stand in place where we are condemning other black women for wearing weaves and using relaxers to straighten their hair. For some its just a preference for others its convenience. Not every woman wants to spend her nights plaiting up her hair before she goes to bed or depending on what hair type you have spend hours styling it in the morning.

 Natural beauty comes from the heart and within.  To be historically correct the use of adding hair to enhance a woman's beauty derives right back to ancient Egypt. Wearing wigs back then and adorning them with jewels was a statement of wealth and position.

We can only encounter our natural being when we connect with the one who made us and knows every intricate detail about who we are inside and out. This does not include whether we wear our hair natural or not. I believe being natural digs deeper than that. Only God can peel off the layers of make-up and wipe away the foundation of insecurity and self denial and touch the very heart that beats within us and introduce us to our real selves through Christ Jesus.

"And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. Genesis 1 verse 26"

Monday, 27 August 2012

Jill Scott on The Black man dating outside their race! Are black women feeling the pinch?

My new friend is handsome, African-American, intelligent and seemingly wealthy. He is an athlete, loves his momma, and is happily married to a White woman. I admit when I saw his wedding ring, I privately hoped. But something in me just knew he didn’t marry a sister. Although my guess hit the mark, when my friend told me his wife was indeed Caucasian, I felt my spirit…wince. I didn’t immediately understand it. My face read happy for you. My body showed no reaction to my inner pinch, but the sting was there, quiet like a mosquito under a summer dress.

Was I jealous? Did the reality of his relationship somehow diminish his soul’s credibility? The answer is not simple. One could easily dispel the wince as racist or separatist, but that’s not how I was brought up. I was reared in a Jehovah’s Witness household. I was taught that every man should be judged by his deeds and not his color, and I firmly stand where my grandmother left me. African people worldwide are known to be welcoming and open-minded. We share our culture sometimes to our own peril and most of us love the very notion of love. My position is that for women of color, this very common “wince” has solely to do with the African story in America.
 When our people were enslaved, “Massa” placed his Caucasian woman on a pedestal. She was spoiled, revered and angelic, while the Black slave woman was overworked, beaten, raped and farmed out like cattle to be mated. She was nothing and neither was our Black man. As slavery died for the greater good of America, and the movement for equality sputtered to life, the White woman was on the cover of every American magazine. She was the dazzling jewel on every movie screen, the glory of every commercial and television show. She was unequivocally the standard of beauty for this country, firmly unattainable to anyone not of her race. We daughters of the dust were seen as ugly, nappy mammies, good for day work and unwanted children, while our men were thought to be thieving, sex-hungry animals with limited brain capacity.
We reflect on this awful past and recall that if a Black man even looked at a White woman, he would have been lynched, beaten, jailed or shot to death. In the midst of this, Black women and Black men struggled together, mourned together, starved together, braved the hoses and vicious police dogs and died untimely on southern back roads together. These harsh truths lead to what we really feel when we see a seemingly together brother with a Caucasian woman and their children. That feeling is betrayed. While we exert efforts to raise our sons and daughters to appreciate themselves and respect others, most of us end up doing this important work alone, with no fathers or like representatives, limited financial support (often court-enforced) and, on top of everything else, an empty bed. It’s frustrating and it hurts!

Our minds do understand that people of all races find genuine love in many places. We dig that the world is full of amazing options. But underneath, there is a bite, no matter the ointment, that has yet to stop burning. Some may find these thoughts to be hurtful. That is not my intent. I’m just sayin’.

Tuesday, 24 July 2012

Men vs A Woman Beauty!

When we look in the mirror what do we see? Big butt, flabby belly, fat thighs, cellulite legs and everything else that could be wrong with a woman's body. The women who have the money and time to change their own features normally do and use it to morph themselves into the image of perfection which is based on digitally enhanced images shown in the media. That's not right! 

So how do we measure beauty? When does it start getting unacceptable to compare ourselves to celebrities and spend thousands of pounds/dollars to get that look that never really looks right on us. When do we start feeling comfortable in our own skins and start celebrating our own unique beauty. The media pressurizes us to think that men want a certain 'type' of woman and if you don't fit into that criteria you better become a nun because there will be no hope for you. I read a article about what men really think about women's bodies check it out below:


78% of men would rather date a confident plus-size woman than an insecure supermodel.

Let that little nugget sink in for a minute—then allow over 1,000 men to remind you why they always want to leave the lights on.


My favorite part of a woman’s body is:

Her butt: 22%

Her chest: 17%

Her legs: 7%

Her face/eyes: 15%

Other: 10%

The whole package: 29%

Your girlfriend/wife calls herself fat. React.

What the heck? She’s gorgeous. I’m with her, after all: 28%

We all have insecurities. I’d try to help her feel
better: 61%

If that inspires her to improve herself, I’m all for it: 11%

You generally find that women…

Have an accurate opinion of what they look like: 18%

Are overconfident about their looks: 10%

Should have more confidence in their bodies: 72%

My ideal female body type is:

Athletic and ripped, like Cameron Diaz: 8%

Super skinny, like Zoe Saldana: 2%

Fit but womanly, like Jennifer Lawrence: 34%

Very curvy, like Christina Hendricks: 18%

A fuller figure, like Melissa McCarthy: 3%

Cute and compact, like Rachel Bilson: 17%

I dig ‘em all: 18%

And have you ever dated a woman who didn’t have that body type?

Yes: 84%

No: 16%

Have you ever been disappointed when you saw a date naked?

Yes, she wasn’t what I expected: 28%

Um, no. Are you kidding? She was naked!: 72%

Do you compare women’s bodies to the ones you see in magazines—or porn?

Yeah, I can’t help it: 14%

Probably subconsciously. But I try to remember that real women don’t have the benefit of good lighting and retouching: 51%

No. That’s just fantasy: 35%

Would you ever date a woman who is taller than you?

Yes: 70%

No: 30%

Which gets your attention more?

How sexy a woman’s body is: 41%

How much confidence she carries it with: 59%

Taken from:

When a man looks at a woman this is what he thinks. So let's continue to walk in confidence we are fearfully and wonderfully made!

Monday, 16 July 2012

I Need a Man!

All the single ladies, all the single ladies...

Need to here this spoken word by Poetess Cezanne. It is a real reflection of how many single women feel we might not say it but will feel it deep inside.